laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
