i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
