If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
