The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
