So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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