woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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