Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
