When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
