I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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