all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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