You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
