you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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