Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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