i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
