Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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