just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize