apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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