Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
