I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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