bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
