sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
