oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
