I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
