so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
