My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
