I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize