I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
