WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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