I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
