I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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