i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
