he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize