Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
