Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
