Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
