i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize