Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
