I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
