I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
