11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
