Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
