Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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