it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
