I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You pole danced in your parka.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
