Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
