so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
