The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize