I wish life had little blips of pornography
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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