i would punch a child for taco bell
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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