I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize