I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
