Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
