If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
