I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
