Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
