I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
