I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
