3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
