remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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