You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
