it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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