i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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