Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
