can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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