I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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