yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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