I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
