I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
