I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
