There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
