i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
