I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
