found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
