So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
