You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
