I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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