Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
