what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
