mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize