Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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