You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
